Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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