I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
