I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
