she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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