Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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