Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
