life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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