I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
