first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
