I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
