if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
