Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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