I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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