brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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