last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
