I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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