pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
