His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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