we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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