Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
