I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
