So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
