Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
