i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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