Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
My first STD was from a foam party
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
