I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
