Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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