would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
