I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
