K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you traded sex for a burrito?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
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