just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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