I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
