those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
