I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
