He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
40s are totally the cure
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
