let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Randomize
