If i come over, it means nothing
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
