so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
