I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
