you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Also, beer. Big fan.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
this is an emotional support booty call
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
