i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
