i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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