Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
