I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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