I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
