Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
