the new term for farting is butt boxing.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
my poor anus
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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