It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
