I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
