Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
