It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
