My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
