I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
